can we get nightvision for the apartment?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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