He is like the real live version of the state fair..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
