Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
