Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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