Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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