party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
