I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
