You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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