he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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