I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
