You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
