If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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