Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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