Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
