let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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