He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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