i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
sex in a hospital.. check
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
