The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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