It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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