He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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