dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
