he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize