Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
