...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize