I feel great
I just peed on a car
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
