So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
