So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i've created a new STD.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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