i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
