How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
