I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I cockslap morals
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
