I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
