I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
