I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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