I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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