pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
