4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
