i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
high people should be assigned attendants
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
