Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
