so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
