I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
