ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
