Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
