hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The uberlube is also flammable
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize