I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
