my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize