At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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