I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
