i just wanna soil my oats bro
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
