"it" just moved
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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