She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
