1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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