First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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