You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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