what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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