so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
