the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was CRYING into my vagina
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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