It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
