You can't special order awesome
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
