cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
