So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
