Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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