talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
