I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
