if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
