But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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