She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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