Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
