So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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