____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
