so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
