I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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