for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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