This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
birth control should be required to get into college
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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