your room smells of hookers.
And success
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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