Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
