Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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