do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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