Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
