I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
