yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
