im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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