Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
