And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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