i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
