Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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